Dish Network Saved My Life

As I prepared to leave work Friday, I could only think of the awesome weekend that lay ahead. I had a great surprise for my girlfriend, Janelle.

My boss had rewarded me with court-side tickets (on the floor!) to the play-off game on Sunday and my girlfriend and I were going to stay in a swanky, new hotel down by the arena, not to mention the weekend would be topped off by my annual review on Monday. I was long over-due for a handsome raise, company car and expense account. After logging-off my computer I popped up and beelined for the door.


“Uh, Peter.” It was my boss, Chauncey.

“Yeah buddy what is it?” I’m going to need those court-side tickets to the playoff game that I gave you.” I deflated like a sad balloon.

“But, I thought those were a gift for such a great job on the McIntire account?”

“Yeah… and while your at it, you should probably just give me the keys to the office. We’ll have your desk items FedEx-ed to you, I mean sent via mail.” Alrighty then, we’ll be seeing you Pete. Good luck out there.

No explanation, just a boot in the pants.

When I got home, I still had Janelle to console me. We could still have a great weekend at the hotel. Of course, Janelle had left me, left a note saying she had hooked-up with a guy with a better salary, and she added, he was taking her to the play-off game complete with court-side tickets on the floor.

I walked over to the TV and grabbed the cable from the back of the set and began to tie it into a noose so I could hang myself from the curtain rods. As I looked out the window I noticed a new Dish Network Satellite perched atop my neighbor’s roof.

“Huh.” I grabbed the phone called up Dish Network, explained them my dire situation and the sympathetic technician said he’d clear up his schedule and come over immediately to hook me up.

My savior arrived in no time. “Usually we can install a system for a customer within 24 hours of making an appointment, but I could hear the sorrow in your voice.” He said his name was Joe.

He hugged me. “Everything is going to be alright quicker than you can one-click record a Anthony Robbins infomercial.”

It wasn’t long before my life had taken a turn for the better. Joe, knowing I had just been canned, tried to talk me into getting a receiver that was a little more affordable, but because there is no equipment to buy with Dish Network, I wanted to get crazy on my home entertainment center. And even with my severance pay and unemployment check I’d still be able to afford the best TV has to offer.

“Give me the Dish Network 942 (HD, DVR) or give me death!” Joe began to show signs of fear. He was dealing with a man on the edge.

With my new Dish Network setup and premium program package I had 250 gigabytes of memory on my receiver hard drive, which meant 180 hours of standard definition and 25 hours of high definition DVR recording time.

Joe attempted to explain it to me, “Do you know what a gigabyte is, Pete?”

“Is it like when you try biting into a slice of pizza and cant stop giggling? Get it? A giggle-bit?” I’d lost everything but not my sense of humor.

Joe explained my package. I had the sports package with ESPN and RUSH in high-definition! “You can even watch the play-off game this weekend” he happily said. “Man, I wish I had tickets to that.”

“Why don’t you keep your opinions to yourself Joe and continue with the package description,” I was still a bit sensitive.

With my Dish package I had access to local channels, multiple channels of HBO, Showtime, Encore and even more premium movie channels than I could swing a bat at, Not to mention I even got access to international sport stations.

“Thanks, bloke!” I expressed my gratitude to Joe. “Hey you wanna watch a Manchester United game, then we can drink Guinness, pretend to be soccer hooligans and trash my apartment?” I’d already had a couple of Guinnesses myself.

Joe gave me a sympathetic look, knowing that I had just lost my job and my girlfriend and was, therefore, probably a bit lonely. Before he walked out of the door, and my life forever, he leaned in and whispered, “You know buddy, they’ve got plenty of adult entertainment on the Pay-Per-View channel section.”

Dish Network and Joe the technician saved my life.

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