Dish Network Installed by Mr. Fix It

Some people just have way too much time on their hands. I had a customer—nice man, really, very polite, and for the first 15 minutes, sounded like he was in his right mind. We went through warranties, payment procedures, the usual things. Then, without warning, he asked me what tools he would need to install the satellite TV.

“Tools? Oh, sir, you don’t need to install anything. We’ll do it for you,” I said cheerfully. Part of our famous Dish Network service: 180 channels to choose from, free lifetime equipment warranty, and no unnecessary exposure to heights, high-voltage equipment, or anything that could lead to loss of life or limb; we aim to please.

Now most people would be relieved; this guy sounded insulted. “You saying I don’t know how to do it? You think I’m stupid?”
“Of course not, sir,” I hastily said, “I’m sure you can do it…” Not sure why you’d want to, I thought to myself, but Mr. Fix-It didn’t sound like he was in the mood for any personal questions.

So he puts down the phone, presumably to go find his power tools and prove to the world that he was the King of Satellite TV Installation (everyone needs a dream). And I don’t hear from him—for days—even weeks and I think, wow, this guy actually did it. That is, until his wife calls.

“You’ve got to send someone here,” she whispers desperately into the phone, “but can you do it when he’s not at home? Just so he can think he did it?” We sent over a crew the next morning.

Signed,
Anonymous Satellite TV Guy

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