Satellite TV vs Vacuuming Wife

Many of the calls I get start with three words: “It won’t work!” Or I hear, “The remote doesn’t do anything,” or “the VCR won’t record.” Sometimes customers will call and say, “There’s a weird fizzy noise that sounds like my TV is about to cough up a hairball.” Yet, nine out of ten times, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with the satellite TV equipment. It’s just…something got unplugged.

One customer was completely flipping out, punctuating every other sentence with a cuss word and kicking everything he could reach (luckily, his grandmother’s china was in another room). He said something about lousy machines and how he followed all the instructions but they wouldn’t work, and it was all very upsetting because he really, really wanted to catch the Wrestling Special on Satellite TV instead of a stupid horticulture show being broadcast on the local channel.

Ah, yes, the man needed his Wrestling Special, or at least to reenact parts of it in what was now left of his living room. In the few breaks in his tirade when he’d stop to breathe, I could hear the sound of his wife’s vacuuming. Oh. Wait a minute—his wife’s vacuuming.

“Sir,” I said, “could you try checking behind the television?” At first he wouldn’t—couldn’t see the purpose and was rather annoyed that I actually suggest that he check the wires instead of thinking of ways of strangling me with them. Nevertheless, after I did some prodding (in a calm, but firm voice—the kind you use on wild animals and small children), he did: the TV plug had been knocked out of the socket!

(This Articles is Under Copyright Protection. You May Not Republish Without Written Consent.)